2011 goals?

i guess you can say goals? nothing hard just the simple things. something  i can accomplish or will try my best. if i don't accomplish don't be disappointed in me, i should be myself.... not you.

be happy.
appreciate and show it.
spend more time with family
loose about 20 -25 pounds <-- HAHAHAHA
ride my bike more often
start eating a "little bit" healthy
save at least 500-1000 dollars
loving someone.
maybe find myself a girlfriend :)

theres nothing more, i mean its just simple stuff. 

happy birthday marshe'

Happy Birthday to my lovely baby's mama Marshe Harris! Today is your speacial day so enjoy it and i know your about to get that birthday sex! nah im just kidding =] but happy birthday and best wishes! miss and love you! Dick your old, 20 years old! damn ! ;) we are growing up! ahh.

Just want to let you know, even though we dont hang out as much we understand each other. we talk to each other when we have time. =] no arkward feelings i love you! im glad i met you at dbm. we weren't even close, and all of sudden we are close! i forgot how we met, but im glad that we did =] you understand me and i understand you! oh yeah i love your house! haha !! i love your restroom...! remember movie night at your house? oh gosh you guys had to watch something scary! i miss you ! we need a hang out with me you and kevin liu liu! =] remember riverside!? KID CUDI! god damn! that night was so fun! hahahaha we couldnt sleep till like what? 3? 4? and we had to wake up at 7? but end up waking up at 8ish?  remember that kick back we went to and hotboxed in the car? omg that night was fun! hahahahaah when were high we understand each other WAY more, hahahha so much laugh attacks and gabby driving 50mph on the damn streets! just wanted to let you know i love you bitch! =]

p.s you need to take more pictures with me whore!

Xxo -pat!

ART WALK.

i went to the art walk on thursday! last of the month! yay
it was fun i walked it from my house with aldrich.
saw dbm friends, so many good looking people.
took few pictures, should of took more.
i wish i was twenty-one. music was great.

Nancy Party

last night i went to nancy party, first i was feeling all iffy iffy. didnt feel like going cause i was still sick. nary picked me up got to nancy we were there early. helped her out and then what was funny is some girl name Nessa i met over there asked me "are you one of their brothers?" i said "oh no just a friend." when i got outside she comes and asks me "Wait.... are you a girl?" my response "haha yeah i am." she was like "Oh im Gay." Then she asks me and shy are we a couple lol later i introduced her to lucy and she asked me is that your girlfriend? i was like no i dont have no girlfriend im Single! hahaha  it was cool but arkward? im not mean or anything it just that i think she kept coming to me and telling me wierd stuff like "do you want me to cpr you cause your coughing i dont want you to choke." "my bra is falling haha i should just strip." i was just like." haha." she was following me EVERYWHERE. Once i try going away to talk to a friend she comes and she goes "hi...." then she grabs me and touches me. i felt so arkward. she kept saying "your so cute. i love your red beanie." i just went and hid for awhile and bam she comes out of no where and asks for my number and i was like "fuck i forgot my number... hold up let me think." i was going to give a fake number but i gave my real number. GUESS WHAT? she called me when i was at the party........... WTF. that was kinda wierd i didnt pick up. Continue to the party overall it was cool because i got to see people and i havent seen alot of people lately. The Dj lagged because he forgot a cord -____-. Margee and I went to the dance floor and just danced and bam he called me over and guess what I know him! hahahaha small world. i met him thru Lions Den. he said i was his best customer hands down! hahaah Yee! I think Margee and I danced the whole night it was fun, we were mostly messing around and later aldrich came and boogie with us, then more people came! It was fun. everytime i coughed i felt like throwing up -_-. I keep holding it in, but while we were dancing i was sweating i felt better haha. Nancy sure was gone!

"Her party is like a tradition." - margee
its funny cause i think thats true, since she always have parties and people look forward to it. :)

December First.

Geez last night i knocked out around 8pm and I had a dream more like a damn nightmare! I woke up at texted Fat and told him about it cause he was in it! -__-. So here is my Dream.


ok so me and fat were hanging out well i was driving and he was driving we decided to go over to whiteknoll to hang out i dont know why lmfao, and we were gonna park then we saw at the end of a the street a beat up van pull up and a beat up looking El Camino and just stop and faced us and fat said "fuck i think they bout to do something lets just go back home" right when he said that we said ok peace and he drove up the hill and i drove down the hill ! then when i was behind my alley the two car trapped me and got me and tried to kidnap me and i was screaming for help and no one heard me and i started calling my neighbor dad because his window was right there and he ran down and helped me and the two men ran got in the car and drove off! When i got home i got all paranoid and i locked all the doors and window and everything. the end

thats how it ended i woke up kinda sweaty i was scared hahahahaha its hilarious when i read the text i sent him ! cause shit it was scary and i had to wake up at 5 to take my sister to work, i really thought the dream was real. this keep happening to me! Inception -__-.

he replied by saying "lmaoooo i didnt leave you! you just got caught sucka! haha nice story thought  next time dream of me a little more macho and hero-like k thanks haha goodnight patty!"

the last of november.

i am back, i haven't been blogging! i been sick for like 3 days! i was dying! :( i hate being sick! especially how i love the cold so much! i want to enjoy the cold but since i was sick i been in bed with layers or clothes and sleeping all day. ugh it was the worst feeling ever. i hate getting sick. i had a high fever. i've gotten sick on friday! black friday and that night i slept with a small blanket and it was sooooo cold cause i was over my friend house. i forgot to wear a hoodie, even worst :( i felt like crap the whole day, i had a sick headache! ugh.

saturday i had to babysit i couldnt even do it, i had drive and pick up this and that, help my mom, take my brother to get his hair cut, pick up the kids. after everything was done i knocked the shit out till the next day.

sunday is my usual cleaning day, i slept the whole day! woke up to pee, went back to sleep! threw up, went back to sleep! around 10ish, tai and anna came to my house and woke me up to go get tea! they fucking would! haha i was so tired i was like wtf are you guys doing here! but they made me go! i had to take my sister to work at 5am. mm

monday i didnt wake up at 5am cause i was tired and i told her, fuck it, just take the car and go! rested some more, sleep shit pee sleep! i wasnt feeling good it felt like i was getting worse! i slept till 8pm and i got up and couldnt even sleep no more, i felt like i been sleeping my days away! depressing! -__-

tuesday woke up feeling pretty good, i actrually woke up at 6am super early went to the restroom pee and looked in the mirror and smiled. i think im getting better :) Woohoo. i feel stronger and since i missed my sunday cleaning session, i thought i start my day off by cleaning my room and doing laundry! i am officially done :) i feel great, still have a stuffy nose. im still sick, but its gotten better

by the way sorry bout the texts, calls, voicemails, i havent return any of them.

all the t.v shows i watch are done!

fuck, all my t.v shows i watch is all done! season is over :(

weeds - it ended like "what the fuck?" wow so stupid!
big c - ended really well, i loved it, it was sad, plus it makes me want more! i cried :(
bad girls club - theres still the reunion its okay i guess, i watch it cause its pretty funny
lip service- my UK L WORD, fuck i love thier accents so sexy, ended good, keep me wanting more! season 2 please :)

its sad thats its all over, boo. dont you get a sad? i dont know why that always happens to me, especially with the L Word that got me reallllllly depress, its crazy. i get really depress after i watched season 1-6 of the L Word. I had a talk with another fan of the l word and she gets like that as well, its crazy its cool cause she understands. People might just think im crazy. so i anit tripping i guess ill dream for now? or wish?

i wanna buy:
Big C Season 1.
The Real L Word Season 1.
Lip Service Season 1.
United States of Tara Season 2.

well there's new shows coming out, im ready! i love showtime! :)
shameless
californication
episodes

knuckles are bleeding

that felt good, i just put up the punching bag and shit it feels good to hit that thaaaang.
i need some gloves.

last time i use 4 dollars to buy 2 cook book. damn i regret that!
that was random but yeah.

it all comes out.

im not angry at all. 

today in the morning i was sleeping so well, until i heard my mom talking to my uncle. always talks so loud it wakes me up and gets me a little bit annoyed. i was going to tell her to shh.. but instead  the subject she was talking about was my dad, so i just laid their pretend i was sleeping.she always talk about him, like always. woman love to start problems, they love attention, they love making people do it their way,when they cant have it their way they start a problem. they love to argue. she kept running her mouth about oh how she hates my dad, how she isn't going to do his laundry, how she is moving, how she doesn't even eat his food, how she will go on her own and leave all of us. currently its only like me my sister uncle and my mom and dad. she was telling my uncle how my dad always say "if i die, you guys will die to. you guys wont survive with out me." who says that right? i don't think that's true, cause i know my mom support us, she is the one who pays for all the bills when my dad takes the money to gamble and talking about gamble he is so addicted to it, when he gets his check all the money goes to gambling&beer. she was talking about how he doesn't even care about us as much. he gets out of control when he drinks and that's like most of the time. how he always buy cars that he like and never think about what do we like. how he treat other people outside of our family better then us. she was talking about how if she left she knows that the person who would care for him most would be my step-sister kym. its true, i don't care as him as much cause what he does. i just know for a fact that its only going to be my step-sister kym and i who would care for him. she said "i care for pat most in the house, i love her more then my kids. she never met her mom, her dad doesn't even show her that he cares for her or love her." right when she said that i started tearing up. i pretend i didn't hear that or let them know i was awake. she was saying that my dad don't think i love him when she knows i really love and care for him. she was saying how he never talks to me at all, like about school or do i feel happy. she asked him one day "why you never ask your daughter does she feel happy about school or how is she? you never talk to her." he never answered her. that made me cry even more, i think i would feel a bit good if he asked me if i was happy and wanting to know how i feel. we don't even talk no more. she brought up how i stop going school cause i was unhappy and how i dont have money. she gives me money for taking my sister to work not as much only like 40 dollars a month but i save it up. my dad gives me money sometimes when he gets his check. i save. i try saving. she was talking about how he yells at me for buying used shoes. how he doesnt see that im buying "USED" shoes cause i dont have money for new stuff. there was so much more. i just stayed in bed for awhile tearing cause i didnt want her to know i heard everything.

i was tearing up typing this up as well, now my nose is stuffy.

Nary Tang

like i said on my other blog, i didnt feel like cramping everything up in one blog, so ill just blog whenever i feel like blogging about a certain person. 

 

by the way she has nutella in her mouth. lmao

Nary Tang. what can i say? i have to admit she is my best-friend i can say. We were closer before when she lives in Los Angeles but i guess when you start college and you have your own stuff to do, it just kinda changes? to me i treat her as the same as before even though it seems like we rarely talk, but when we get a chance to we catch up, its not arkward at all. shes more like a sister to me im really comfortable with her and her family. she knows ill be there for her when i can. we make fun of each other so much that we are use to it, we dont even take it serious. some people takes it up the ass . i feel that we have this wierd kinda friendship. we never really got mad at each other, well we have had some problems before but we always intend to say sorry to each other. we never like to admit to each other or even to other people that we care for each other, but inside we do. we always make fun of each other like EVERYTIME we hang out. we been through alot i can say, its nice knowing that she will be there for me. we text each other about random stuff daily. just random stuff. if theres something going on, pictures, etc. i love getting high with her, because gosh its so hilarious! im glad that i met her she knows that ill be there for her when i can. shes someone i pretty  much tell everything too. she knows alot about me.  i dont think i like hiding stuff from her -___-.

"Merry Christmas!..Surprise? you know even if we dont talk.. ill always get you a gift. :D well where should i begin? hmm well thanks for everything. seriously i know i dont show it but i really appreciate it . ha, i think you're one of the many few people who can deal with my stupid mood swings. how long has it been already? enjoy this collage and take care of it i know that even if things are really bad right now.. just to let you know i would forget about all the good times we shared. you piss me off. i piss you off ..but it works out! Tough Love! sorry if im not there for you as much as you are there for me but..im there to listen, or at least try to. this is pretty cheesy but whatever! oh man look at all the pictures though. fromt he first picture we took together, to  my ugly bands, from hanging at each other houses and so much more!! things may not be the same as before.. but its ok. through thick and thin right? i may give you alot of wierd looks but dont take them serious. thats how things work between us. remember the day i was crying non stop. well yeah.. its cause i thought i let you down.. and it scared me. i really dont want to lose you as a fried.. your just one of those really good friends. You may ask me later on if i care about you.. and chancesare i wont say anything. rofl, but shut up you KNOW i do. I miss hanging out with you and jenny. i wish we had more days together :( i have to admit we have alot of ups and downs but we always get through it. screw what every says! if im mean.. im mean. its not like i mean it. you know i love you! even if i have this wierd way of showing it. Thanks for everything Jennifer Nguyen" -Nary

i remember when i read this it made me cry, everytime i read it, it makes me tear up. i always know that were great friends and no matter what happens were still going to be friend. also i have a feeling were going to be good friends for a long time!

to my lovly friends.

i met so much great people, i love each and all of you. even the haters.
 sometimes i get annoyed, sometimes you guys make me mad, sometimes i fuck up. we still friends!

Theres alot of people i would like to write about but i dont want to write about each and all of you guys in the same blog so i will write some names down and ill write some nice and maybe ugly things about you guys. im just being honest. i wont hurt your feelings though, i hope not. :) jk

theres a few. just tune in daily and you will see whos up on the board ;)

trends/hypocrite.

last night i hung out with margee, damn how i miss her oh so much i havent talk to her or seen her! since shes goes school at northridge and when she comes back shes doing her own thing. finally we did the stuff we usual do! BIKE! i miss her :) i finally got to see her tattoo!! awesome!

we road around got free samples of yogurt cause when i was going to get my yogurt i forgot i didnt had money :( how fucking sad is that, hahahaha! we had to get samples and then we just left. #cheapbitch. 


so we were catching up like usual, what i like is that  we dont make it arkward when we havent seen each other for awhile. oh well to continue the subject "trends" "hyprocrite" came up. i thought about it, like some people go way off line with the trend thing, you probably would say you dont follow up with the trend or what so ever but hey i admit it that i "copy" or whatever you call it. i mean whats new is kinda whats good right? i dont get how some people its hard to admit that, or some people would say im a "trendsetta" Not referring to me but saying they started a trend or bringing back whats good and shit, but im sure theirs people out there you look up to or what so ever. another shit that came up was hyprocrite, i think im a hypocrite, not in a bad bad bad way. its not bad or whatever i think people just gotta admit it sometimes, its not bad really..gotta accept the fact. just be yourself its okay fuck what other think.

pointless blog.

its been a long time.

i hung out with friends. i dont even really wanna hang out with anyone. that sounds mean. its like im pushing people away its like i dont even wanna do anything anymore. im such a dick. i only hang out with nary i enjoy hanging out with nary, shes one of my close friends that i only hang out with and talk to daily? when theres something we text each other or blah blah. i dont really keep in touch with any one as much, but sometimes when my mood switch i end up writing on people walls (facebook) just to see how they are. i dont really enjoy going out as much no more, i rather hang out with one person. i been hanging out with tai. shes my wingman, we need to go meet the ladies! :) i wanna meet new people, more gay people. im excited for san francisco. we got shit down. one day. what sucks im not even 21 to go gay bars with tai and her friends =/. its okay. back to what i was saying, i hate making plans and going out alot. i feel boring now. i hate it but i like it? if you tell me plans like a week ahead i wont bring it up, ill just say i forgot or something. i hate that about me. i guess.. i dont enjoy hanging out with people as much no more, or depends who you are? i get annoyed. i usualy make excuses if i dont want to hang out, i have to admit that. hahahaa... fuck it i guess.

"pushing them away......far far away."

xxo.pat

relationships

 Sometimes I get you, Sometimes I don’t understand.
Sometimes I love you, Sometimes it's you I can't stand.
Sometimes I wanna hug you, Sometimes I wanna push you away.
Most times I wanna kiss you, Other times put you and every minute you start switching up
And you say things like, ‘ You don't give a fuck!'
Then I say, ‘I'm through with you.' Take my heart from you. And you come running after me, and, baby, I'm back with you. - Rihanna.
 

i know people argue. i know its normal. i understand that. whats not normal is arguing all the fucking time and you make up or you argue about little bullshit then you cry then you make up then you break up then u make up then u argue again then u make up.-__- like breaking up 15 times a month!. i know i havent been in a relationship i might be like that but im just saying. hopefully not. i guess my head was wondering last night. theres so much about relationships. i know when my friends talk to me about their girlfriend/boyfriends like if they argue or something i know ill be on their side, but you gotta understand if you keep coming to the same person and telling me the same exact shit i dont know what the hell to tell you. i know your hurting and you just need someone to be there, but when you keep on telling me the same shit and i already told you some advice or try giving you advice in the beginning try it? i dont know. dont run to me and tell me the same stuff over and over cause my head is going to explode and im just going to shut my mouth and like listen. thats all i can do, listen to you. ill have a shoulder for you. i  also notice its mostly girls. guys are so strong or they dont show their weakness. most guys i guess. why cant girls do that? try and not give a fuck so they can run back to you.

i dislike how some people who become in a relationship  you get all close and you disappear on your friends. -____-.  i guess thats how it is in the beginning? you just want to spend more time with your boyfriend/girlfriend? i dont know. its just i see that alot. also. "friends or boyfriend?" who do you choose? i wouldnt know. some people push their friends so far away and dont understand why its not the same anymore. ask your self. try to keep in touch at least. have time for your friends and significant other and family of course. once someone fucks up on you, you know who you have in the end. just know*.

i adore my friend lucy, shes great. what i like is she spends time with her friends and also have time for her boyfriend. i notice she doesnt really talk about her problems as much only if she needed someone really bad. i love that about her, even sometime if she is hurting inside, she stays strong outside. i love that.

this is just my point of view. its my opinion i dont care if you think im wrong or right.
sometimes i feel like i push my friends awya








"i dont break up with him no more, i know were going to get back together n-eways its a routine." -linaN

Adventure day2.

Fun Fun Fun. woke up bored wanted to get up and do something, Tai end up hitting me up went to Point Dume down in Malibu then Santa Monica and guess what? Taio Cruz was going to Perform and we got to see him perform im not a big fan, but free? who doesnt love free stuff? plus it was fun! :) here are some pictures.

Click to Enlarge?

Up at the moutains! Great View. So relaxing.

Going down the deeeeeep asss stairs!!!! tides were High!

great ass view!

Taio Cruz. hahahaha i didnt even take alot of pictures i was busy looking for the cute ass girl behind the crowd.

ok theres like 230+more pictures. to lazy.

@Margaret Nguyen. aka MARG.

i just read your tumblr post about the bestfriend. i dont know will you ever read this but .. thats nice that you consider me as a bestfriend, and i cant believe you dont think i consider you as a bestfriend, like i always say i know i dont consider much people as my bestfriends and all, but im sure i can tell you your one of my closest friend and you know ill always be there for you and i promise that. we weren't close back then but we gotten close some how i really dont know, but at least we did. i love everything about you i like how you call me up randomly just cause you wanna "walk." i like how we bike and ask each other "where do we go?" i like how your so nice to everyone. i like your style/features. i like how i can call you up to go to the movies or go to an art show with me. i like that your open minded about things, i like how when i introduce you to my friends you talk to them and not make it arkward and thats why i love introducing you to my friends. i like how you always invite me to places even though i never go, cause i sleep early. even though i say no you care to ask. just to let you know i care about you and your someone i dont wanna loose. we have good memories and well make more memories. remember when we got high and walked around chinatown in the rain and you tried to jump over the puddle but you jump RIGHT into the puddle? lmfao! remember when i fell off nary stairs and fliped over like 3 times -__-. remember when we hold hands biking? remember our sex talks at alpine? hahahaha! good memories, theres so much more.


just gotta let you know i care for you and your one of my close friends. i tell you everything. i feel comfortable around you and i NEVER feel comfortable around much people. your a great friend. i appreciate you :)
'

xxxo.pat.

Thift Shopping.

today was whatever' was bored outa my mind and i wanted to get myself something just for the fuck of it. got up wore some shorts went to st.Vincents guess what i found ? i got me a pair of toms for 5bucks:) my size. yeee boy got lucky with that. i was mostly looking for some t-shirts. i need some more. blah i wanna shop but im trying to save money at the same time, i dont know how that is going to work. maybe i can spend 10 dollars a week. sounds good.


xxxo. pat.

ELLEN DEGENERES

guess what ?? i got a call today in the morning and i got tickets for ellen! :)
i have to wait for some packet so i can sign. After that call i was extremely happy :) WOO!

i cant wait to see whos gonna be the quest. also im kinda shy, i wonder if she randomly chooses people to go up and play games. ahhh , but im excited!!!

Crushin'

so i have a crush on this cute girl her name is luii :) its just a crush. a internet crush. haha how lame am i ?. i added her on facebook cause i notice tragik takes alot of photos of her and man shes really cute. its cool cause she talks to me and i feel that i cant keep a conversation going :( , but whats cool she talks back. right? cause some famous people who thinks they all that never talks back, shes not famous famous but you know?. n-e ways i just wanted to blog and say im crushin'!

she is skinny, small boobs, light skinn.tatoos,piercings.ahhhh
i even told her to twitpic some more & she agreed :) im on her good side. oh im crazy.

Yikes. So sexy. Luiibadass. :)

not addicted

i dont think im addicted to weed.. am i ?
cause i wanna get high!
my brother and his friend ray asked me to smoke, i stop a minute and thought about it, then i said nah!
i wanted to smoke though, fuck. ;(

even if i break this promise its all me, not anyone's. im just proving my self till dec.1.
i dont know how will this go,cause lately i been wanting to get high asfuck!

just update?

uh this week is passing by quick. i remember when i wanted halloween to be over already and fuck its like bam thursday already. why the fuck is it going so fast?? i know time wont stop,but slow the fuck down please. :(. i been hanging out with my brother aldrich and we caught up and hung out like the good old times. today i saw dianna and her baby daddy brad and jacob (her son) he is adorable! cute! they are doing very well, im happy to see them happy. oh yeah why the fuck has this week been so fucking hot.? like really hot. ugh i hate this heat, i been filling the tub and laying there blah. i talked to thalia last night i say goodnight to her and she starts a conversations. man little things makes me happy, i was smiling the whole time we were texting. its funny why am i always so attracted to the damn straight girls.? its a challenge though i like it. i think its cute when she flirts back. we were flirting and being all corny. she said she miss me alot. :) all of sudden this morning meli texted me saying "goodmorning <3" i didnt bother to text back. why? cause i dont wanna give her to much attention, thats my secret. haha i dont wanna throw my self at her and shit, i know she's a keeper. i wouldnt want to fuck around and hurt her feelings and shit, ill take her serious. i just felt like ignoring her text. but that made me smile though, like the most simplest things can make you feel really good :). start off my day. oh yeah this week my dad pissed me off he drank so much, fuck i painted my face black for fun and all of sudden HE tells me to go cvs to buy beer with my mom, i told him no i got facepaint all over he said GO NOW. -_- i had to go with my face all black i stayed in the car but fuck cvs is always so pack at night and shit 2 cars beside me saw me and like i tried to take a napkin to cover my face but fuck it was ugh. embarrassing lol. then after he went to sleep around 12:30ish he woke up and said go buy me food. and i was like bout to fall asleep, then i was like ugh fuck it ill just go get him food so my mom and i went to jacks got him a burger then came home and he said "i wanted burger king" and he fucking threw the burger and started bitching at everyone. WTF? seriously has problems its so annoying, he is crazy. n-e ways its hot , i hate the heat.

i notice i jump back and forth. subject to subject...my grammer isnt so great too. hahahaha

Advice Poster.

"believe in your fucking self. stay up all fucking night. work outside of your fucking habits. know when to fucking speak up. fucking collaborate. dont fucking procrastinate. get over your fucking self. keep fucking learning. form follows fucking functions. a computer is a Lite-Brite for bad fucking ideas. find fucking inspiration everywhere. fucking networks. educate your fucking client. trust your fucking gut. ask for fucking help.make it fucking sustainable. questions fucking everything. have a fucking concept. learn to take some fucking criticism.make me fucking care. use fucking spell check. do your fucking research. sketch more fucking ideas. the problem contains the fucking solution. think about all the fucking possibilities."

Shady Fucked up People.

so recently my sister went to a party at westCo. called mom around 3ish in the morning and guess what? someone stole her car. what the fuck!? Right? who the fuck would steal a fucking car.? well its a twisted ass story. So this is the story.

Her friend misplace her keys and someone asked "is your car even outside" and when she went to check it was gone. what the fuck!!!! i would go fucking crazy. well to go on she said its someone from the party forsure cause the keys was misplace in the house. -_-. i asked her isnt it your friend party? and yes it was her friend party but there was alot of random other people well mostly the girl sister friends as well. it sucks cause when you think about it, you never know who took the damn car. it can be someone you know someone your close to someone she knows of course. So she called the police and made a report and called the bank to hold her card and they said someone used her card to fill up the gastank.! damn what a trip. Guess what??? the car was at the same place in the morning! the person who took it for a joyride took her purse shit in her truck and wallet and money and gps. who the fuck would do that? thats so messed up. they took her social and all of that shit. another fucked up shit was she asked her friend "can you ask the people you invited did they find any keys or see a civic." all her friend said was "i dont think they will say anything." wow, at least try and help out -_-. damn people these days. I guess karma is gonna get back at that person.

kinda funny how her car was gone and in the morning police called and said its at the street the party was. damn people these days.

halloweeeeeeen.

Halloween weekend. friday&saturday i just stayed home, i dont have that Halloween Sprit this year. i didnt care about the costume and dressing up got invited to house party at north-ridge but i end up not going cause i didnt want to dress up. saturday i just baby-sit and stayed home all day.

Actual Halloween day woke up pretty late and felt really tired, cindy wanted to come over so she came over and then drove to lincoln heights to get some dinos, met up aldrich at alpine. introduced them. 30 mins later nary and sydney picked me up at alpine drop cindy off head to nary house and ended up going to Hollywood. i called aldrich to come with us cause i thought ill feel wierd with nary "p-sis" so we he came and met up at nary's. Waited for her friends then heading all the way down sunset all the way to Hollywood. it was so packed, parking was crazy, parking lots were 20 a night. There was a event at "West-Hollywood." WeHo! streets were closed ended up going to Beverly Hills failed, parking you needed permit, but we they trick or treated like 3 houses! lmao. Then we decided to go to San Marino but at a intersection i saw KEVIN LIU ! hahahaha why am i always seeing that cutie around! he had his underwear and angel wings! So cute, he ran to the car and gave me a hug then he ran back i saw kevin Nary boyfriend! Lmao so funny both of their names are "kevin" then decided ok well stay here and hang out at WeHO. parked at beverly center and walked to WeHo. man that was a crazy long ass walk but so worth it, i got a  big bruise on my leg cause i hit this water hydrant thing cause i was looking at some indian girl ;). caught my eyes! the bruise is nasty i got a lump! :(. Finally got to the Main Street. It was SOOOO PACKED. so much nice costumes and man i should of dressed up :( . It was nice, so much gay's i love it. Oh yeah IT WAS HILARIOUS while we were walking a BIG girl grabbed aldrich and pulled him cause she wanted to take a picture with him and her friend and he goes " I DONT SWING THAT WAY" he thought it was a guy for a minute cause she was kinda big. it was hilarious! HE literally PANIC! but then when she said i wanted a picture we all started laughing hahahaha!  It was a mission to get back cause it was so packed . i Decided to leave with aldrich at 9:30 cause he had work at 10! plus he works in pasedena... lmao we had to run back such a work out! got to the car... guess what we dont even know the way back -__- ended up going the damn wrong way! and it was already 10!!! then we found the way back to heaven house! my house. then bam thats it . i wished i stayed longer but i had fun while i was there.

p.s tragik & luii was there i really wanted to see them.

New HairCut.

So i shaved off all my hair Awhile back and its growing back. im thinking of a new haircut and i dont really know what i want. i was gonna do a side fade and leave the top kinda short. but i really like the cut i had. i had that long mohawk. i think im getting something like that back im not leaving the back. fade. sides and back :). just leaving the top. :) im excited for my hair to grow longer to get the cut done :P

oh heres a picture. Kim Ann Foxman is hot!

 

 

 

i like it hehe.

Zulu Nasty./ Video by TRAGIK.

yes i always tweet about tragik. shes my role model. i love her. shes great! plus ZULU NASTY is amazing in this video she can dance! :) mmm dykes.

girls girls girls. girls i do adore.

the most beautiful thing that was ever made woman! i know i like girls and talk alot about them. in this world there are so many beautiful & different girls out there. i love it. now a days everywhere i go i always see cute/handsome/sexy girls. femme and butch. im telling you again were taking over! just kidding. even better i see most lesbian couples and gays. i like seeing my kind, i feel that when i see a lesbian like a butch or what so ever i feel that we have this respect to each other even though we dont know each other.

woman are so beautiful. they can pull anything off. pixies cuts & boy clothes. how sexy is that? very sexy.

i think every gay/lesbian person probably have a gaydar. im sure i do. i always get this feeling when is ee someone i know its weird its like you just know. sometimes my gaydar isnt on point but mostly its on point. i think gay people get along better, were very friendly. thats how i feel.

I notice going to a straight club they usually check/search you. When you go to a gay club they dont even check you. i was thinking about that last time when i went to the club.

"what are they going to bring? a dildo?"

rage. gameboi night/asian night.

went with nary tai margee olga vivian karina and i saw kevin liu, matthew, goldie.
i went sober. well i only took a hit of that goody. i wanted to be sober., hm. 

it was fun, so much asian gay boys. they were cute. so many. so  many girls as well. :).first person bump into was goldie and matthew! aww matthew,i havent seen him for so long! that cute butt. while i was dancing i asked tai "dude what would you do if a gay guys comes to you?" she said nothing just dance. i was thinking fuck i look like a guy they might think im a guy. lmao. thoughts on my head. im not just gonna throw it at them and say "im a girl." it was so so so so so packed i couldnt even move. some really cute white girl grab tai ass! it was hilarious! the girl was dancing with another girl and she grabed tai ass outta no where and smiled and shit we saw those two girls upstairs making out like crazy on the couches. it was like a 15 min show up stairs on the couch. :) it was sexy.there was so much cute girls yummy. along the other side these two boys were going at it on the couch. so cute. then karina asked me "are you guys a couple" refering to me and tai. we just starting laughing! ohman. Wingman Wingman! dance upstairs and guess what kevin liu showed up! i havent seen him for awhile! that cute fuck. then while i was dancing up stairs a guy comes next to me and look at me and smiles and says "HI" like reallllllly loud and cheesy. then i looked at tai and i said "HI haha" then he smiles and i was like fuck i hope he doesnt think im  a guy and i just starting talking to tai hahaha! he was good looking what a cute gay boy. While we danced in the hip-hop room to teach me how to dougie we left down stairs and danced some more. so much people it was fun! gay guys were coming cause mr.eyecandy kevin liu was dancing with us ;). he got them boys from left to right! Tai and I went to get water and stood there and later two girls comes and she comes to me and looked at me, i thought she was going to kiss me i was like wtf. she goes. "haha..hi..im amy." and i started giggling "haha pat." i think they wanted to dance but tai and i were drinking water and we just stood there -_-. o wells. they looked around 24+. we walked around got some fresh air outside and then dance and left. what a night it was fun.

funk'THAT.

nina sky- 'you anit got it. (FUNK THAT)

im tired of my dad.

im sick and tired of his shit. he is annoying. i love him and all but sometimes you get mad at certain things. he don't seem to learn. i know your not suppose to learn if you make a mistake. it takes time and all but fuck he does this shit way to much. my dad is a alcoholic he drinks to much and he does the dumbest shit ever. he annoys the fuck out of me. he piss the whole damn family off. he is dumb. all he think about is money money money. damn alcoholic and fucking money. he doesn't think about other people and doesn't ask us first, his family. people can rip him off so easy he doesn't see that shit, it doesn't go through his head.

so what has happen is that my dad always drinks beer. every single day he drinks. he think he the boss of the house and tells my mom "oh go walk down to cvs to get me beer." its like bitch why dont you go get it your self. he comes home from work why dont he get the beer himself. he always tell my step-mom to do everything. if you drink, know you fuckin limits. i mean if you wanna get drunk sometimes its coool, but not all the fuckin time? ugh.

we had alot of cars before. but guess what happen to them? he was drunk and sold it to my neighbor for cheap. trust me when i say cheap, i mean cheap. its stupid. they persuade him so well he doesnt know. we had a new Camry i forgot what year but my grandma barely bought it for him and he decided to sell it to our neighbor. what a dumb ass. guess how many cars that my neighbor has of ours? FOUR cars. all our cars and my dad sold it to them. why do they have it? because they rip him off and since its cheap they buy it. they always buy everything from us cause its "CHEAP"  my dad is dumb he spent 6000 on a eclipse and he sold it for 2000. what a dumb ass. ugh it makes me mad. Why doesnt he ask us about it or my mom he just go on and do what he wants. i know he is old and shit but still they ripping him off and its dumb because not only because their our neighbors its wierd, "like oh thats our old car all four of them" Like hey i barely got my license why dont you just give me that car? he just ends up selling the car. it really pisses me off that they play him like that and he is so fucking stupid to understand. also he sold the lexus today and he didnt get money off it because he owes the guy. you see? wow you give a car away and you get no money because borrow the person money. why DO you spend MONEY you dont HAVE. ? get it through your head.

our neighbor is smart he knows when my dad is drunk he can get whatevers. i remember when i came home i notice our computer desktop was gone. i asked my dad where was it and he said i sold it for 50 dollars. i was like what the fuck. all my shit was on there. -_-. you see what i mean, he doesnt tell no one anything at all, ugh. i hate how he doesnt think about us. what about family. he doenst think that we wanted the cars,computer,laptop. he sells everything. he thinks about money to much.

i know this sound harsh when i say i hate him and all that but i know deep down inside i love him very much. its just he should be smart sometimes and think about it. its that moment you get angry.

keep it going louder.

major lazer - keep it going louder
the video is a trip!
nina sky is so fucken sexy . before i didnt think they were. now with that hair cut and style mmm

this was my jam!

Mike Jones - FloSsin!
"I stay flossing in that candy paint,Blowin dank,Sippin drank."

i want these.

  

Fuck i want these badly.There CUTE! No money right now :( . No shopping for me awhile.
all i can afford to shop is at st.vincents. thift shopping.

Twitter. im twating. tweeting.? jk

@pattycrabby.

i feel that i post alot on twitter. i feel that im annoying, but i dont give a fuck haha.
i know i talk to my self all the time. i know i write things that "no one" know what im talking about.
thats on purpose, i dont really want you to know i just like to talk to my self.
honestly. i talk to my self to much, i need to write it down or like type it out. sorry if you dont understand.
sometimes i tweet like normal people though haha.

M.I.A - XXXO

great song by the way M.I.A is sexy.

Jackass 3D.

 

Omg. HILARIOUS movie. if you havent seen it, its a must see! you have to even though if you never watched jackass before. haha its so fucken funny. these guys are amazing and fucken funny as hell. im so down to watch it again haha. watched the movie with margee and we laughed the whole way into the movie. so hilarious dude.

thanks margaret nguyen<3

Trust is a big ISSUE.

trust is a big ass issue to me. once i meet someone i get to know them and i trust them very quick. i feel that i trust people to quick. its just when i meet people and i know that im getting along with them ill trust them and i want them to trust me back.

people who pass my line with trust i wont give you another chance. big or small shit ill still be pissed the fuck off. i might give a chance to the people i know really long but if you cross that line with me i wont give a shit about you. i wont bother to hate you or talk shit about you cause thats wasting my time, ill set your ass aside and not give a fuck. if someone brings you up ok ill tell you the story. you need trust in everything.

heres an example:

if i lend you money i would like for you to pay me back. money is big, come on its money and its me that is lending it to you. what i really dislike is that if you wanna borrow me money im being nice lending you the money in the first place. i have lend people money the highest i lend was about 100 dollars. I lend people money because i have that trust with you. a friend of mine borrowed me money before and its not much its 25$ but its really not about the money its just that i trusted him and he didnt pay me back and started ignoring my calls and shit like that. who does that? he was a good,cool ass friend too. but like i said if you cross that line fuck that shit i anit talking to you or respecting you anymore. Another thing is if i lend someone money and you say your going to pay me on that day ill wait till that day and hey if you forgot ill give you time. i fucken hate if you borrow me money and lend someone else money and tell me "Oh get it from her/him cause she i lend her the money and its your money" like bitch you borrowed it and you pay me back i anit asking anyone else. make that shit easier your responsible. its like when you owe someone money oh he owes me so get it from him. thats fucken stupid. -__-.


what i also dislike is when im talking to someone and people who doesnt like that person try to make me go against the other person. thats stupid i give everyone a chance. That has happen before and it was no big deal i didnt care about people talking about the person i was talking to. dont tell me those shit, its just wasting my time. i rather hear it from the person them selves.


"i give everybody a chance till they cross that line"

it didnt feel like it happen.

fuck i was fucking highass fuck last night -_-. it was tooo much. charity hit me up and wanted to hang out. walked over to her place and we went to the "jungle" and kick it and smoked smoked smoked. i notice i get high really fast. shit happen but it felt like nothing happen. time usually slow but time was flying! we took "few" pictures ended up like fucken 100 something pictures! she raped my camera. haha we walked around and we sat on the floor at the CACHE chicken mural by roybal for awhile. we stayed there like we were bums. it was really nice the street lights and just being outside talking and laughing. hmm everything went by quick. great laughs. great stuff. great great great.

NATIONAL COME OUT DAY.

10.11.2010

hi im pat and im gay!

it takes time to come out of the closet but when your comfortable and feel that its the right time to come out :) .your not alone.

i love i love i love

Love DARLING! check them out.
found out about them on "THE REAL L WORD"
close friends to whitney
i want to see them live!

movies movies movies.!

here are some movies i want to watch.



BLACK SWAN!   mm natalie portman and mila kunis



CYRUS!



POST GRAD!



LOVE AND OTHER DRUGS!



SOUL KITCHEN!

theres so much movies

Jelousy/Clingy

oh this subject. lets just say i am a very very very jealous person. im not a jealous person towards people/friends having stuff. for example "oh she has a new ipod" im jealous. im more of a relationship jealous bitch. i get very clingy when im talking to someone im really interested in. i fall fast. its like falling off a damn cliff with noone at the end to catch me. falling for someone i fall hard. when i get attached to someone i want them all the time. it gets annoying. i know im clingy and im a very jealous person. i can say that i calm down, i try to control it even though i know its hard. when im talking to someone i like i feel that i need to talk to them everyday and sometimes i think i annoy them. i gotta stop that. its just i like making the person feel speacial. what i dislike most is that when i do something really nice and simple for someone they dont even show that they appreciate what the fuck i do. people need to show it more. if a friend did something nice for me ill thank them. little things counts. simple things.

i remember i liked someone so much i was going insane. like literally insane and thinking back on it, i laugh about it. i think i changed. before i didn't really open up as much. i usually keep shit to my self, but now im opening up about shit and being real. i remember always texting that person everyday and flirting at school and phone calls and going out and all those little stuff. "she was straight." its funny though.. cause i know shes straight but sometimes when i would come over to hang out she would kiss me and in the back of my head im like wtf. i remember all the little shit we would do and it felt like we were in a relationship. i was so clingy i started to push her away =(. i learned. i would get mad at her for talking to guys and hanging out with them. its weird i got so jealous even though we weren't together. she was the first girl to make me cry i felt that i liked her so much and she just led me on. i felt that she just like the attention i give her. after the whole incident happen i tried moving on but it didnt work cause we had class together. when the school year was ending i found out something horrible and right when she told me her self i just couldn't take it anymore, i had to stop crying for her. i never ever cried in front of her though because i know im showing my weakness. when highschool was done we see each other here and there but not as much. its weird we were at a party and she starting going on me and kissing each other. i felt bad cause her boyfriend was there and she would sneak a kiss and bite my lips when he would go to the other room. its just funny now i dont care anymore if she has a boyfriend or not. i know if i was in the stage in highschool i wouldnt want to be a homewrecker. but whatever i dont care haha lets have fun ;)  ok maybe not. only if you dont mind ;)


"if your gonna do something.. do it for you!"

Jenny&Nikki Sex scene.

mia kirshner is so fucken hot... damn!
the beginning  is the same as the other video, but just watch it, its longer. :)

POT BROWNIE PARTY

one of my favorites scene in "The L Word" watching this makes me happy.

"Too HOT"

Shane and Camen. The L Word.
mmmmm

if i had a dick for a day.

this question comes from my favorite show " The L Word"
i remember asking margee what she would do if she had a dick for a day.

i would like to get my dick sucki would jack off for an hour
i would dick slap a girl
i would have sex and be a whore
i would stick my dick in someone ass
i would tuck my dick in.
i would paint my dick
i would wear tight jeans to show some dick
i would flash
i would pee outside in the bushes!


"you dont need a dick to fuck"

what would you do if you had a dick for a day?

if you really knew me.

currently listening to The Temper Trap - Fader . <3

"if you really knew me." inspired me. lets open up.. if you really knew me.


my real name is jennifer nguyen,i really prefer pat.i got the name pat from a friend of mine in 3rd grade. he said i looked like a boy but im a girl so he will call me pat. i am 19 years old. birthday is on april 14. i have a step mom who came into my life at age 3,also two step sister's & a brother. i live with my dad,stepmom,uncle, step sister. one of my step sister lives with her boyfriend and my step brother goes to school in riverside. i have 3 dogs. i am currently not going to school right now. i graduated at the small school near by my house downtown business magnet. i met great friends there. i dont make sence  when i talk but i sometimes understand myself. i cannot spell and im very bad at english and those essay bullshit. i hate school. i dont feel happy when im at school. oh yeah im a lesbian. came out around 10thgrade. im more of a tomboy/butch. "im a soft butch, hard femme!" i never had a girlfriend, i dated few girls. im 5'2 very short i wish i was taller. im fat , i eat alot. hey i cant help it. i love to go bike riding. i had my first bike july 4 2008. it was a galaxy girl frame 10speed. biking makes me feel better when im depress. its my get away. i like to bike alone, but company is fine. i love music. i dont think i can live with out music. everyone needs music. i like different type of genres. i like a little bit of everything. e v e r y t h i n g. i dont think im to picky. my dad drinks alot of beer and i can say he is a alcoholic. my step  mom likes to gamble all the time. i already went through the stage that i was left out before. when people make fun of me i dont take shit up the ass. i dont really care. im drama free. i never fought with anyone. i dont waste my time on shit like that. i have great friends. i dont really hang out with them as much anymore but i know im the same person. if they need me i know ill be there. im a caring/loving person. im a teddy bear ;). im a jealous person. im clingy sometimes. i like to wear my red converse with no socks. i have a favorite black t shirt that has bleach all over it. i wear underwear under my boxer. i have a 4g pink ipod i got for 25dollars. i feel girly sometimes. i have a mustache and i want long sideburns. i like hair. i have 1 in a half inch armpit hair. i have hair downstairs. i shaved it before but i think i prefer hair. im a virgin, i never had sex before. i think alot of people is cute/hot/sexy. im very shy.

theres more ... to be continue.

kissing/making out.

currently listening to Mike Posner - Please dont go.

i think a kiss is a kiss. pecks/simple kisses. nothing special.well it is special its cute but talking about kissing someone and people make a big deal out of it.  i remember telling my friend Lucy Ta i hate making out. i felt like making out was kind of disgusting i guess because i don't really enjoy making out. i remember whenever a girl would stick her tongue in my mouth i felt kinda eh. its kinda weird i guess i kiss the wrong people and i don't feel the connection. i get this tingle feeling? its not that good feeling like butterflies. i don't know. simple kisses are nothing to me, if your my friend i wouldn't mind kissing you at all. seriously i would kiss you if you wanted a kiss. i just don't want people to get me wrong and think that i like them or anything. thinking about it now i actually like making out. i don't mean PDA status you know. if i would make out with someone i like i would rather do it alone somewhere with no one around looking at us. I repeat if i  make out with people at a party or what so ever that's because im on something ;). hey i can have a little fun i wouldnt mind making out with attractive girls. i sound harsh -_-. 

my lips has touch: ;)

meli
mells
amparo
delilah 
megan
jorelle
matthew
randy
robert
monique
marifel
reva
tu
shannon
luisa
maibes

thats all i can think of right now, oh yeah i kiss boys too. haha! 

Are people born gay or do they learn to be gay?

for my point of view i cant say for other people, but as for me im sure i was born gay. i don't think i learn to be gay that's ridiculous. i think if i was learning to be gay it would be like making my self turn gay. that's just my point of view, i  may not be right or wrong its just what i feel. it's a opinion. agree or disagree. i sure i was born gay because i feel like im trap in a woman body, most people who transgenders feel that way. i know i was interested in girls when i was young. never met my mom she left me when i was born. lived with my dad and uncle, starting living with my step mom at age 3. dad always dressed me up in boy's clothes and i always was shirtless. i remember playing house with my step siblings and i would always be the dad -_-. i find it kinda funny. i always ignore that question everybody always ask "do you like girls?" i always get my way out of that question i pretend like i don't hear it, i change the subject, i do everything i can just to not answer that question because i was not comfortable about it. what sucks is that i get so shy i get red it makes me like look like "oh shes lying" oh how i hate that. i think im going off subject? i just felt that i liked girls all my life i was more interested in girls and like playing with girls and being around girls, being around boys is cool too, especially when they see me as a guy. but JUST know im a girl.

Opening up was a piece of cake! hmm nah just kidding i guess opening up about being a lesbian was alright, it wasnt a big deal. i told my closest friends about it first. i know some of my close friends already think/know im gay already but they never ask or talk about it. I open up around 10thgrade, when i open up to my friends it was fucking GREAT! i felt the love i felt happy i felt like something is off my chest. most time its hard telling your friends cause you think about the negatives shit and how i hang out with so much girls -_- that i might like them. oh gosh. I thought it would be hard telling my parents, i hate hiding stuff or lying to my parents. one day i told my step mom she said "oh ok and she laughs like i dont care it doesnt matter what gender you like. im GAY TOO!" i know she jokes but she doesnt mind she cares for me and always will. <3. i was really scared telling my dad! When i told him he looked at me with a mean face and said "Ok" and i was like "I like GIRLS! ima go get a girlfriend and take her home!" he just didnt say anything. The best out story when i told my Aunt she was SHOCK. when i told her i was gay and i liked girls she looked at me and said realllly?! i thought you had a boyfriend. Wow.... i started laughing. i said oh hell no its cause i have few close guy friends. she talked to me about girls and this and that and about my other aunt cause i have a GAY aunt and my grandma doesnt accept her and my gay aunt dad doesnt accept her. i felt bad , i told my grandma im gay and she gives me a Frown look. i Guess shes just old school, but hey you gotta deal with it. I feel great now im so open im the gayest bitch alive. No ok im not the gayest bitch alive im gay though and im sure everyone knows.

i went way off subject. o.O
i learn that if you hold something inside so long that your hurting your self. let it go. you will feel better.

RAGE.

KINKY RAGE SATURDAYS.

last night went clubbing with : nary tai annie marifel jaddis jenny yen.

i never went to rage and i always heard about Friday rage and never Saturdays so when we got to the place i was pretty high i thought we were at the wrong place haha!! seriously i was like wtf i think were at the wrong place this is the wrong night or something, a minute i was tripping. we waiting and camera whore a little bit and jeez the gay gogo dancers had some nice body! i wish i had that body! sexy! cute gay guys. right when the dance floor was open we went and danced it was fun! :) i was in my own world for a little bit :) when my high was going away boo, but i had fun still. :) there was alot of guys, but girls starting to come. i saw few cute girls only few. we went up stairs for the hop-hop stage no one was really dancing and we went to the lounge to sit and dance against the rails it was nice up there. kept dancing and enjoying my time and all of a sudden i turn around i see jaddis giving marifel a lapdance and im like O.o whoa! that was nice jaddis ;). they were having a lapdance battle with these two gay guys ! omg another thing nary took pictures of her self with one of the gay guy camera cause she thought it was one of ours. omg its still in his camera i wonder what he thinks, he probably would be like "what the hell who is she!" lmao!

dancing with marifel and jaddis against the rail was getting hot :) . that was sexy. i couldnt hang though.

what a great night.with great friends.

whats chest binding?

she is            n-a-s-t-y.

whats binding: here for the people who wants to know whats binding. lets make this kinda short. um its what most tomboys do when they want a flat chest. not a complete flat chest but compress your tits down.

most people bind with ace bandage. i always wanted to try the ace bandage but fuck that i was like i have to wrap my tits and its going to be a hassle every time i have to get ready. chest binding takes time. also most trans-men bind their chest then get chest surgery. so since i been reading a lot about trans-men they have a site called under-works which sells so much! i love it. i fell in love! when i found out about the website i order a tri-top chest binder which is 30:00 dollars plus tax. expensive cause man i don't want only one i want more, i just bought one just to see how i like it. then after i found out if i get 3 its 84dollars.damn it!  when i receive my binder wow! i tried it! bam! i liked it! first place i wore my binder was at COSTCO haha! what i kinda dislike is that my belly is getting bigger and shit i need to loose it soon cause i look like a balloon. its funny cause my family was like oh shit your flat,i can tell though cause i look kinda stiff. but its funny. i love it though. its time to get more :) i wanna try other styles they have. mmm

i was going to post a picture but i cant find no great picture. boo.

pros: i get to wear t shirts alone, no big tits!, slim dress shirt. i  feel more confident.
cons: hate the material, have to wear a shirt under the binder, i get hot easily cause im fat.

getting ready : take my shower wash up, wear my tank top or t shirt then put on my binder and wear another shirt over or whatever i want on top. i kinda dislike wearing so much shirts under. blah. its a hassle, i get hot and start sweating.

appreciate.

currently listening to : Naughty by Nature - OPP!

appreciate :to be grateful or thankful for.

Christine my sister..well shes not really my sister shes my aunt daughter, shes 30 something years old she has a husband and lives in these brown apartments boarder of glendale? i guess. haha im actually her cousin, her baby cousin. i consider her as a sister though.


 i hate............ HATE getting calls from her. why? because she always lecture me about school and jobs and EVERYTHING. i always get miss calls from her but i end up calling her back because i dont wanna not call back when i got a miss call. i feel bad. im such a bad person, well not exactly bad its just i hate the lectures. i feel that im young right now and i dont really care, but later on when i get older i will grow the fuck up and show her i love her. she use to call me and tell me "oh did you apply to classes? are you taking classes that you need? did you get the forms? when are you getting a job? " all of these questions blah it just annoys me. she barely finish college well about few years ago and she messed up she tells me all the time, she doesnt want me to follow her footstep and messed up and finish all late. i know she cares for me so much i just hate how i try to avoid her so  much. i drove to her house to pick up something for my aunt and i knew she wanted me to stay to hang out a little bit .. guess what i said.. "oh ima go home and shower cause ima hang out with my friends were gona go watch a movie." right when i said that i looked at her looks like she was sad. i felt bad for lying. i lied. i made that up. =/ i just hate it because i know if i stay i think she will ask me about school and its going to stress me more and get all uncomfortable. i avoid her so much. i need to stop =(


Today i got a call from her 
sis: hey do you want to go shopping? ill buy you some clothes.
me:no its okay i dont need anything, but thanks! 
sis: ok you sure?
me: yeah thanks though!
sis:ok 
me: ok... bye


i ended the conversation like that. its arkward. i felt like she was going to say something else and i had to end the conversation. 


5 mins later she called
sis: oh yeah do you want to update your phone? 
me: huh what do you mean?
sis:you want any phone ill buy it for you
me: hmmm reallly?
sis:yeah whatever you want do you like any new phones?
me: mm no its okay i like my g1. ill keep this
sis:okay then just tell me if you want anything.
me:ok thankyou sis,
sis:ok then ill talk to you later
me:ok i love you.
end of conversation.

i had to say i love her. i just hate showing that i love her. its hard to show her appreciate what she does for me. i know she cares. one day ill grow some manly balls and tell her and hopefully we can connect like we were before. we were close.. but now i guess when college happen she wants me to try, and i dont... it makes her sad. :( 

transgender FTM.

currently listening to : Pharcyde: Otha Fish In The Sea.

FTM: female to male.

i always thought about transgenders. i been thinking about it awhile back ago. maybe a year at least. im just so interested about it. i thought about alot. its just amazing! i love it. i read alot of blogs about FTM transgender its amazing. trust me people would feel kind of disgusted but its amazing to me. i thought about it, would i ever transgender.? hmm well my answer, no i wouldnt i really wish i was a guy but right now all i can do is wish. its not going to happen but honestly i am happy with my self, cept that i have tits/boobs. ugh i hate those. i have large boobs and man i really want to get them off as soon as i get money. i talked to my mom about it and she is fine with me having a chest surgery. i would be so complete if i didnt have no tits. honestly i would FEEEEL extremely complete. i dont mind having a vagina, but i think dicks are more attractive. vaginas are kinda ugly, not so cute...

i hate getting comments about boobs/tits. ugh i wish i cut these fuckers off. haha but right now im binding so it makes me feel more manly kind of. i dont bind all the time, but when i go somewhere with alot of people, i dont bind when i go eat or anything only nice occasions i guess? im always naked at home. boxers & tank. just like a guy. man if i have no tits, i would looooove to go out shirtless or take off my shirt in public :). that would be a dream!

dont get me wrong that i dont like tits, i do love tits, but its just not for me. i like tits but small ones? large large breast is a nono. eh..this was very random.

"no one is fully happy about them self."

thoughts.

currently im looking for a book to read. i found one well alot of famous lesbian reads the book. its called "Stone Butch Blues." im gonna buy it as soon i put my money in the bank :)

its been hot lately i hate it, i fuckin hate the heat. i cant wait till winter comes! i cant wait till that rain start coming! let that cuddle season come! ahhh.

also im thinking of getting a strap on real soon. for those that doesnt know what a strap on is, well its what lesbian use! :) STRAP ON. penis penis penis! i want a real looking one. i went to the sex shop last time i didnt find anything i like, but hmm lets keep on searching! 

"i think everybody should like everybody." -Andy Warhol.

 

i like to blog when im high.'

currently listening to kid cudi - up up and away.
"we dont care what people say......"

So i was thinking about me being single forever and ever and ever and ever and ever & .. ever. 
oh i hope not. i talk to alot of girls doesnt mean i play girls. i was talking to someone and she said "your a player, i know your trying to play me. you play everyone." right when she said that i was like really.? why do you say that??? she just said cause she knows i play people. -_-. really i dont think i play girls, wait I DONT PLAY GIRLS cause were not even together. but ...uh i think if i find someone who i really like and trust me ill try.. ill do my part. im to nice thats why, im friendly, i love girls! 

if i find a girlfriend, i think ill be so corny. 




holding hands, simple kisses, telling her shes beautiful, going on a first date, meeting my family, meeting her family, sing in the car, go to the movies on random days, love her for her, be there for her, introduce her to my friends, give her space, dont get to jealous/clingy, watch movies at her or my house, sleepover, cuddle!, rub her head till she falls asleep, wrestle her and let her win. 


i just cant wait. :)

if i had a girlfriend.

i think ill be so attached to her. that always happens =/
but if she is my girlfriend i dont gotta worry cause shes my girlfriend.
but i bet ill still worry cause im such a jealous person.

i like that corny stuff :) first date stuff.
flowers & etc. mm

really random.

im on top of the world

XoXo  Pat Nguyen.

lets update with pat nguyen.

First of all im high, i just smoked with my brother and adewole earlier.

School: i stop going school this semester. i thought about it the first week when we were coming back. im not happy at school, i know no one is not happy or hate school and its not for them. I hate it so  much i dont even enjoy being there. i really dont, i guess cause i dont try. it doesnt interest me. i feel like a homeless living at home, i feel that i wont get no where. i always think about fuck what am i going to do when i get older, i dont even know. i wanna be a photographer/artist. i know i need to go school but fuck why do i need school. I mean i do need it to get somewhere. Right now im just waiting till i get that shit through my head, cause honestly right now all i wanna do is have fun and fuck it you know. im fucking up though. i need a job.

Money: money is something i use everyday. i need a job so badly i know i keep on saying this and it seems like i dont try at all. Fuck i need to get my shit together i always tell myself that but it never fucking hits me cause i dont care. i act like i dont care but sometimes i do care. Such a bad ass pat.

Life: uhh its alright i guess, everything im doing right now isnt so good, just being a bum living at home not going school nor having a job. i feel like a downer to everyone. i feel like i wont ever get no where. i should believe in myself. i always have to think negative. seriously i need to stop. i need to take my own advice. dont you hate that,? when a friend of yours is having a problem and you can help them out but when your the one with the problem all of sudden you dont listen to your own advice, i guess i just want to hear it from my friends to make my self feel better? i guess.

Girls.? um hey hey last couple days ago a friend of mine was saying "your a player, you play girls. i know you i know your little games." haha that made me laugh, but really hey im not a player i just crush alot ;). okay i dont like the name calling but honestly i love girls, i like talking to girls. Having choices. getting to know everyone and having good conversation is good right'? i dont fall for you, even if i kiss you doesnt mean i like you. its just a kiss. i can say im a flirt. i probably would think that im "thinking im playing you" doesnt that make sence? i really dont know. hmm well theres alot of girls i like, i like alot of girls. i dont intend to hurt people feelings its just i feel scared to be commited since i been single. ? right , its going to be a change. im just not ready for that. but afterall i still have that one person im always going to care for no matter what and i promise whatever happens ill still care and be there for you. you know who you are.

fat: fuck im so fucking fat. seriously. here i go again.... talking about fuck im fat and i eat and i dont give a fuck. blah i need to do something with this fat ! it looks fucking wrong! i got stretch marks and its not attractive. blah i need to go running and watch what the fuck im eating, cuz shoot i eat alot of wingstop! ='/

Future: future.... looks scan through it. i can just say GOALS? hmm i want to finish school. get a good paying job. work for a long time . save up money. get my own car. give parents money and take care of them. have my own place, maybe a little studio it doesnt matter something cheap so i can afford it. Have a nice girlfriend and treat her very good. have a cute doggy. uhhh lose some weight. hmm theres more just cant think right now.

XoXo pat nguyen.

Chinatown Summer Nights dance Floor. 89.9.

Chinatown Summer Nights.

Chinatown Summer Nights. "Old Chinatown"