work!

work is good, i like it. i getting use to it. its pretty fun. i dont remember all the price but im getting there. its chill. i clean serve customer and watch movies all day. 1030am till 7pm! 8 hours. tuesday to friday. people can visit if they like. i just cant really hook it up. theres cameras but i try. i get sneaky with it. if you visit me around the time im closing 6ish to 7. i can get some donuts :) but not all the time. well i dont wanna look like i eat so much donuts! i hate donuts. sick of it! i even smell like it! ugh. its all good. first pay day was great. never ever got paid. well yeah i have hm feels great like always. i need to save money for a car. i want a jeep. im trying. i help my parents out and give them some money and buy stuff for the fridge i feel great. but sometimes it sucks that when i give them money they ask for me and it makes me feel like im working my ass off and have nothing left. but yeah im just running my mouth. random. just update.

www.firstlove1.tumblr.com
most of the time im on here. Pictures. Little Blogs.
I like this blogger though not much people know of it.

xxo. pat

to feel comfortable.

i was talking to a girl i met online from San Deigo like along time ago and its pretty cool cause she still keep in touch with me, we were talking about how opening up and child hood and life just catching up. its great cause i never met her before and we are well we will when she gets to los angeles. shes such a cool buddy i have! we talk to each other like we know each other. haha. the subject "being fat" came up. she said she was fat and i was like hell no she is not fat well through pictures she doesnt not look fat at all, she said its cause they are pictures and that i have to see her in real life. i saw her senior picture and she was chubby but now she doesnt look like that at all and she tells me she is exercising alot and she stop eating alot of stuff. i dont think she has to loose weight, she looks fine i told her that she looks great! i told her i am the person who needs to loose weight. to be real alot of people dont like talking about their weight because they feel fat and uncomfortable with themselves. thats how i feel, thats why i hate exercising around people i hate it because i dont like my body. you dont understand trust me, only if you were in my body you will know how i feel. we had that in common because we both say were fat and we dont feel confortable. in order to be happy you have to feel comfortable with your self. you have to love everything about your self. ok cross that out maybe not to love everything about your body but you know'. it stress you out if your like i dont like my body this and that. i dont really mind my fat, even though i really have to loose weight cause im pretty fat. i may not look that fat, but i am. unhealthy. also what i dont like the most about my self, of course on my old blogs i mention it. its my breast. i hate them! thats why i feel so uncomfortable wearing a T shirt. i wish i had small breast if i did i would be out with a tank top with no bra cause i wouldnt care if my tit's are just small. haha i wish i had small tits. all i can do i wish. but really im serious i will have chest surgery when i have money when i have everything in the right track. thats just something i want. i really want. mmm i just want to feel comfortable with my chest. even though i bind not all the times though i just wanna like not make it routine for example.

i have to wear a binder everytime i want to go out, i just want to get out of the shower with a T shirt and go out. i have to wear a binder and make my self comfy and then go out. its a hassle. but thank-you for my binder haha. 

apple is great.

im pretty high right now, and im eating a apple and my dad just came out of the room. i clearly can hear the music slowly and my chewing. i can hear them all at the same time. its pretty cool. thinking about what if my dad ask me why does that apple smells like weed? haha its clearly a thursday night im not doing nothing at all. just here, plus everyone is going back to school. also that means i got work! i will keep trying my best to work and make some cash. its better then sitting my ass at home doing nothing. i should try. hm. music is really good right now, i love how i can hear all the lyrics they say. yeah even busta rhymes. im pretty hungry im still eating the apple but other side of my brain im thinking about wingstop. mmm i would order 10 wings combo! mm with fries and a drink. of course the ranch as well.! mmm ketchup! sounds so great. flavor lemon pepper and barbeque. mmm im so hungry. korean bbq sounds good as well. i havent ate around there. my music stop awhile ago and i was sitting there thinking about when is my music going to stop? you know what i mean? its a trip. i feel so relax. everytime. everytime. just chilling my eyes feel kind of low and heavy. its burning well not burning burning. um i want some tuna. tuna. so great. wait i dont know . but mac and cheese . damn i am hungry. im funny i got apple stuck on my teeth. eyes feel so heavy. i think i said that i think i have. hm . ill just end this right now and relax. :)

i've been hiding!

well not hiding hiding, i havent been online for 2-3 days. i been going out alot and coming home late or coming home and being to tired to get on! it feel good though, at least i dont sit on my ass and stay on. so i need to stop getting on alot and just do something fun and productive.

a small update on few days.

sunday: went to ruby baby shower with nary and got lost and ended up finding the park and it took us forever! got to the babyshower saw alot of friends and got to hang out and yeah it was a good day!

monday: went to LACMA with nary sydney margee lucy wai and jenny. it was cool, it was the same stuff but we went with more people and took a bunch of pictures. well not a bunch but yeah pretty much i can say. mostly at the light poles. or light things? i dont know. haha um yeah

tuesday: went out with nary and raina! good times. haha its always funny! ended up going to raina house smoked some stuff and ended up going to a spot on venice with nice cottages and houses! it was beautiful so nice and peaceful. so much happen! we were laughing and talking non sence. after we went to venice and just walked around we didnt have alot of time cause we only had an hour on the meter. but other then that it was a good day.

today i will be going to No Strings Attached screening with nary! also maybe ameoba afterwards :) hmm adventure week. im very broke as well.

lately i dont know what i should go.

i been confuse with my self lately, i thought i was going to get that job at pho citi in glendale but cross that out my mom wasnt even sure if she was forsure about me working there. now the lady dont need any worker. so whatever im cool with it. also my sister hit me up today asked me if i wanna help her work at the donut shop and then just work on the weekdays from 10 to 7pm. by robertson at culver city. i guess ill take the job. at some point i dont want to do it then i do. i hate myself for that i get excited like oh okay i should work and then i get all like eh i dont want to work. reality though i need to work. a.s.a.p! i need to work and save some cash. i been broke for awhile now and i need to make my own money. i gotta get it together i should take the job. i just feel like i wont learn and shit i think everything is hard or something. thats how i feel haha. i need to get it together and stop being scared. i need to man up!!!!!!

hmm if i do work at the donut shop i say people visit me ;)

how can you tell someone you love them..

lately, ok its not really my buisness but my aunt who i call mom told my step mom about my sister christine who is like 30 something years old and she was married for about awhile now. she broke the news to me and told me that my sister husband jorge and my sister split up. :( i cant fucking beleive it. guess how'd it happen? one night he came home and he said to her "i lived with you over 10 years but i never'd loved you." i cant believe someone would ever fucking say that! typing that already gave me chills. that is so hurtful. my sister doesnt know i know, i dont wanna bother her. i know she is HURT i know it. i just dont want to hurt her even more by asking, but if she ever tells me she knows ill always be there for her. still cant believe he was a cool ass guy! he was so funny and he always took me out and everything else. they were so cute together. you never know you really never know what can happen. seriously. i feel bad for her :( i love her so much. people you love are hurt it hurts you. its like people who love you knows when your hurt. i hope everything will get better. i think she should let him go cause he just threw all of that out of no where. hurted her so much =/ i love my sister. shes hard working and she tries really hard and im glad shes trying to be strong! at least shes trying. i love her so much i cant describe how much i love her. i cant believe how someone can tell a person u lived with for 10 years plus you love them and this and that but its all fake. i really dont know.

i wish everything gets better for her! i love my big sister who takes care of me so much when i was younger!

UPDATE on me .

lately i havent been blogging on here because like i said i been on tumblr haha, but its all good i think ill go back on here and write whatever is on my mind or what so ever. anyways.

HOW ARE YOU?
i am great! i can say that, its a new year and i wanna try new things, i wanna go out more and really meet new people. i need to stop being shy. i say shit and i gotta do it. seriously im doing it. haha! shit i say like "i need to stop being shy," i need to do that! fuck. seriously its pisses me off haha. also i suppose to work today at PHO CITI in glendale but instead i dont know what happen, my mom got me the job yesterday and i was suppose to work full time and this and that but she called me today saying the manager said  maybe or something like that. so i dont know what is going on, whatever i dont care. i wouldnt mind working i was sad about working cause i didnt wanan work at glendale and see everyone and shit. i heard the place is shitty haha but i had like 7pm to 3am hours and it woulda been great cause i wouldnt mind that hours. no traffic! yes for no traffic!

NEW YEAR?
quick and all, i didnt do anything i had alot of plans going on that day ended up not going to none. i didnt want to go i didnt feel like it, i wanted to stay home with my family even if we didnt do anything. i also smoked out with my brother.


COLLEGE KIDS WINTER BREAK?
the people came back and now i have friends again! ahha but i smoked alot on winter break cause my brother got alot of fucking bud. ALOT. hung out with few people. mainly nary and my brother. its cool though i enjoy hanging out with them. i love them , just like my family! brothers and sisters!

SICKNESS
i caught a nasty ass cold last time, it was so bad i was so sick i wasnt normal alot of shit happen i kept thrwing up. i had a nasty ass fever also i think i got food posioning because i kept throwing up. ughhhhh im glad im getting better :D

LACMA. and Today.

today i went to lacma with margee and nary and shit was tight. i liked alot of the art and everything! yes. this week is going to be good! its going to be great! theres a art walk thursday and i cant wait for that :D but ok anyways

havnet blogged on here, been on tumblr. fuck it though ima start blogging back here. i wanted tumblr so i can upload muisc and have a playlist lol. but yeah, today started off iffy cause i thought i was going to work but instead i didnt have to so i just went to the thift store with nary and ended up buying a bunch of shit cause the sales were crazy! thift shopping plus a sale? shit it was crazy. 5pink slips = 3 dollars. so 5 shirts or whatever that has pink was fucking 3 dollar . what a fucking deal. plus i had some little cash so i wanted to buy some things. kabam! yay :) but yeah nary spend fucking 64 dollars! god damn that girl went crazy! oh wells she liked the stuff she got so it should be worth it! haha she got a whole lot of stuff.