appreciate.

currently listening to : Naughty by Nature - OPP!

appreciate :to be grateful or thankful for.

Christine my sister..well shes not really my sister shes my aunt daughter, shes 30 something years old she has a husband and lives in these brown apartments boarder of glendale? i guess. haha im actually her cousin, her baby cousin. i consider her as a sister though.


 i hate............ HATE getting calls from her. why? because she always lecture me about school and jobs and EVERYTHING. i always get miss calls from her but i end up calling her back because i dont wanna not call back when i got a miss call. i feel bad. im such a bad person, well not exactly bad its just i hate the lectures. i feel that im young right now and i dont really care, but later on when i get older i will grow the fuck up and show her i love her. she use to call me and tell me "oh did you apply to classes? are you taking classes that you need? did you get the forms? when are you getting a job? " all of these questions blah it just annoys me. she barely finish college well about few years ago and she messed up she tells me all the time, she doesnt want me to follow her footstep and messed up and finish all late. i know she cares for me so much i just hate how i try to avoid her so  much. i drove to her house to pick up something for my aunt and i knew she wanted me to stay to hang out a little bit .. guess what i said.. "oh ima go home and shower cause ima hang out with my friends were gona go watch a movie." right when i said that i looked at her looks like she was sad. i felt bad for lying. i lied. i made that up. =/ i just hate it because i know if i stay i think she will ask me about school and its going to stress me more and get all uncomfortable. i avoid her so much. i need to stop =(


Today i got a call from her 
sis: hey do you want to go shopping? ill buy you some clothes.
me:no its okay i dont need anything, but thanks! 
sis: ok you sure?
me: yeah thanks though!
sis:ok 
me: ok... bye


i ended the conversation like that. its arkward. i felt like she was going to say something else and i had to end the conversation. 


5 mins later she called
sis: oh yeah do you want to update your phone? 
me: huh what do you mean?
sis:you want any phone ill buy it for you
me: hmmm reallly?
sis:yeah whatever you want do you like any new phones?
me: mm no its okay i like my g1. ill keep this
sis:okay then just tell me if you want anything.
me:ok thankyou sis,
sis:ok then ill talk to you later
me:ok i love you.
end of conversation.

i had to say i love her. i just hate showing that i love her. its hard to show her appreciate what she does for me. i know she cares. one day ill grow some manly balls and tell her and hopefully we can connect like we were before. we were close.. but now i guess when college happen she wants me to try, and i dont... it makes her sad. :(