i love talking to her.

i havent texted her for few days i wanted some time and see if i can handle it. i did couple of days.. i gave in yesterday. april 29. i miss talking to her thats why. i didnt want to bother her since school is ending and all these test and she has to study and all of that. :) its kinda wierd since we didnt text each other for couple days and i texted her and conversation still goes :). ya i missed her. kinda wierd because i dont know why i miss her. shes coming back june staying for a bout 2-3 weeks. her birthday is coming! im planning to send her a gift over there. any ways i cant wait for her to come back.

i have such moodswings. they slap me in the face.

her: your not sending me anything!
me: why not???
her: cos i still owe you.
me:doesnt matter. CUZ your a lagger!
her:i really am
me: yeah you are! its cool i dont want anything from you anymore!
her: :(
me:i send you something watch
her: nevurrrrrrr
me: why? what the hell.
her: its okay no bday gift for me
me: fine sasquatch! ill ttyl have a good tiem at work and studing!
her: booooo youuuu!
me: i shower i stinky ok! i miss you though. <2 bye caca
her: haha you smell like camel poo! Miss you camel! mwarr

dont know what im feeling.

lately i been thinking how i should stop talking to someone because i feel like she doesnt appreciate as much. first when you see someone, meet someone you like them already but once you get to know them personally and how they are then you start to feel like you dislike little things. i think its happening to me. this whole routine with luisa has gotten to me. once you open up to someone tell them all your secrets, love them, be there for them for so long that your so use to it, it can be gone forever! i hate when that happens i dont do it on purpose but i feel that i get attach and want it my way all the time. if i cant have it, i try and i try and i fall at the end, i hurt my self. i want to hear what i want to hear. i cant blame luisa that she did this to me! i have to blame my self for always doing this to myself. its not anyone's fault but mine. thats why it takes time for me to get on that level where i can open up so much to you and be werid with someone just cause your confortable with them.

i hate leaving and stop talking to someone cause i feel like its their fault but really its me. i know she hasnt done anything to me to hurt me, but i switch stuff up and i think so negative like im bothering her and all these dumb stuff. i dont know why im such a negative person its who i am, i dont think i can change that. i really do miss her though. i wish we hung out when she came back. she tells me were going to do a bunch of stuff when she comes back but it never happen. i was hurt. i didnt tell her though i was hurt and dissapointed. she promise me when she comes back again well do all the stuff we talk about but i dont know anymore. i stop texting her and i think ima stop for awhile. its hard stop texting someone you text to everyday. i love talking about how her days was. all the little things matter the most to me. mmm i dont know what im feeling. i really dont. i dont get myself.

sometimes i hate people! but i miss them certain of times. then i hate them again.

whats going on.

damn it i havent blog lately, i should. my laptop charger broke so i havent been getting on as much! im usualy my sister old laptop which is pretty lame because she has so much stuff on here and the charger is messed up as well. blah.

great news. my grandma left she moved. she went! finally. i have my space. i love my bed, my room! my space! i been working alot well thats all i do now  a days! i saved up alot of money. still saving not stoping. its good to save to think about what can happen. this is just a small update. my red integra was stolen like few weeks ago! its all messedup when we found it so we didnt want it anymore. im saving for a car. i been driving my dad truck which sucks cause i have to take my sister to work at 5. then my dad at 8 then myself at 9. its crazy. im still living though so thats good.

i recently got a longboard! i been wanting one since my friend introduce me and got me hooked! i love it. i got it used from a friend its pretty messedup but it dont matter cause if i get into it more ill get my self a Original but now i have a sector nine. :) yay for cruising! i cant wait to cruise the beach when i have time in the summer :) i havent been smoking. i stop for awhile. for no reason. i know i dont need it. :) its fun being high though. Also i know i can have fun sober so no worries :)

i dont know how i feel about this girl anymore.

blah pointless blog just a little update.

Worst Week Ever!

i had the worst week ever! everything is hitting me at the end of this month! fuck you march! ok its not really march but damn it everything at once is hitting me this week! right in the ass! first of all my dad integra i drive got jacked! so that means i have no way of getting to work and back -__-. so much shit! my grandma situation she is taking up the space in the room! im starting to pay insurance 111 each month plus 60 bucks for phonebill, now i know how it feels to pay bills. jorelle is back for springbreak and i didnt get to hang out with her at all! we were suppose to get dinner tonight but the car is jacked so no car no go! damn all these stuff happening! but i know afterall everything will be ok. at least its the weekend and i dont have work! smokes smokes smokes and chill.

xxo pat.

im not happy anymore.

i was happy last week, but since my grandma is here i don't feel happy at all. its not that i hate her. i just want my space in my room. i want to come home from work and sleep in my bed. she takes up my bed. i have a little space and she takes more then half of my bed it makes me mad that i cant enjoy sleeping. i love sleeping on my bed. thats the only space i have. i love coming home to sleep on my bed and now i hate coming home. i hate how she thinks its her bed. she told me she was leaving monday but today is monday and nope she took my aunt 500 dollers and gamble its like why do you gamble with money you don't have? your doing this to your self that's why your homeless. damn it. its getting to me i dislike her staying here. i cant even ride my bike anymore. she gets mad at me for riding my bike and she wants me to sell it. i hate this. i really do. i hate coming home high and she ask me all these questions. i put a long pillow between us and she asked me last night "why do you put a pillow between us?." i didn't know what to say i was like i don't know. she always say dumb shit like "oh it was raining so hard i should of crashed into the wall so i can die i dont want to live anymore." im just tired of this. i love my home but honestly my house is not a home no more. i only wanted my sister brothers mom and one of my uncle to live here. its like this house anyone can just sleep here. my uncle who is so annoying lives here with us for awhile he doesnt pay rent, he smells, never takes shower, rude, talks nonsence! its like homeless in our home. i know i have to get over it and deal with it. its reality but its hard right now cause i hate it so much. i know everything will be ok though.

i feel bad.

Ok so last night I abused my twitter with how I was feeling! I was so pissed off because guess what I was sleeping and all a sudden my grandma comes out of no where and bang on our doors and she comes to me and says "can I sleep with you? I'm a homeless I have no where to sleep. Please?" I looked at her and said "really? Right now? I'm so big." it was so hard saying no. So I just said yeah ok she said it was for only one night because she is going to share a place with someone. ok so the story is that its not that I dislike her or anything I really do love her, its just the way she lies. Don't ever lie I hate liars! I repeat hate! She always come to our house just to ask my dad or mama for money then she asks me even when I didn't had a job. She asks everyone! She always takes the money and goes gamble with it ! Its like ok you ask for money cause you said you have no gas and you go gamble it all away? So crazy! Ugh. So while I was sleeping I really do move and like my space. I didn't had much room cause I felt kinda wierd cause she was hugging me and I couldnt turn and all that. I didn't even sleep!! When she was hugging me she was like praying and I just felt wierd. But the next morning I was not in a good mood I was like mad cause I had to take my sis to work at 5am then I come back to sleep for few hours but it takes time cause its hard for me to go back to sleep. All of sudden my sis calls me and said can I go back and work cause the boss had to do some thing wowowowoww so I went back and forth with no sleep -___-. I was so moody in the morning when my grandma was leaving she said thanks to my mom and said bye to us and she sounded real sad. She left around 8ish to go to the casino! When she was leaving I notice her voice sounded like she was crying. I felt so sad when I heard her say bye like she was not wanted in the house. Eh. Its her fault though we gave her a chance before but she moved out of here. Guess what though at the moment she's sleeping on my bed ! Ugh now I have no space! Its like when I get home from work I wanna get home and sleep on my bed you know? But I hope tomorrow she sleeps in the living room. Also I even feel more bad cause right now I'm sleeping with my sister and my grandma was asking me your not going to sleep with me? I said no ill sleep with kym I need more room she looked so sad and she just said I won't come back tomorrow. Ahhhhh makes me feel like the bad person damn.

wondering wondering.

everything is the same you can say. just work. today weather is nice. lykke li is performing at amoeba this monday but damn it i have so much to do! i need to take my sis to work, pick her up ! go get the car fix! and dad is going to rent a car -___- damn it. i hate gas prices too! gas is so damn high! i get gas twice a week now and it kills my wallet. fucking sucks. boohoo. now im thinking about getting new tires for my bike so instead of driving to work ill bike, but if i do decide to bike to work i have to wake up extra early just to see how long i will get to work. boo! maybe an hour or hour 30 mins to get to work, im not even sure.

i got high last night, a joint & blunt with my brother and nary. i already know when im on a good level. i dont wanna over due the point of getting too high cause i can totally trip. it was funny as hell. i remember the cops were near us and we jam. i remember going home taking a pack of turkey and bread and eating everything and pringles -___- my god ate so much! i slept for about 2-3 hours woke up and ate! this morning i woke up HUNGRY! weather is really nice right now, more like hotness coming! ill miss winter. i love the cold so much. hm well see how this year goes. summer stay away!